~Coldplay
So the ever-dreaded first day of second semester has come, yet again, in an unwanted manner. Christmastime is so happy, so joyous, and it all ends abruptly with a pathetic two-day week. Gross.
First order of business is my extreme nervousness and lack of confidence when it comes to, yep, you guessed it, the b word--boys. I never used to have a problem admitting that I've never had a boyfriend before, but it's actually beginning to get under my skin a little. Honestly, I'm beginning to feel pathetic and like I'll never be able to overcome this sinking feeling that I'll be alone forever. (Dramatic, I know, but whatever gets the point across(; )
It's not like I don't like someone, I do. The problem is talking to that person. I do this weird thing when I freeze up, can't make eye contact, and I get really shaky. But here's the really weird part, if I see said person outside of school, I won't do that. I feel relaxed and fairly confident in approaching them and having a conversation that normal human beings tend to have. Strange, I know. But I suppose that's how my shy side handles the situation; by doing nothing. And in the end, I'm miserable. I have no idea why I do this to myself, but I can assure you, I don't intend to. I guess I'm just not used to just going up to guys and being like "Oh, hey! What up homedog? Oh, and guess what? I like you." Uhh, no thanks. Or at least I don't want my body language to be that obvious. Like I've said in earlier posts, I'm not adventurous and it's not like that will ever change. I'm not a like Sim where you can go and edit my personality from shy to daredevil. No. No. No. Life unfortunately is not like that. If it were, there would be a whole buttload of bipolar people.
Now the second unfortunate thing about this problem: this guy isn't normally shy(if anything he's the polar opposite of) , but around girls (especially ones he doesn't know very well) he's apparently quite the shy guy. *Insert huge sigh here* This really is not cool. It basically means I need to initiate this relationship. (Correction*** rekindle our friendship. We talked a little last year, and were pretty good acquaintances if not friends. And yes, that sounds pathetic, but I AM SHY, what you gonna do about it??) So basically, I have to start from scratch. Sweet.
I just pray to God that I can do this. I know I can because I've done it before. Just take a deep breath and breath...
But, you know other than that mental war with myself, today was surprisingly wonderful. I have a lot of classes with my friends and I'm glad to catch up with them. But I do have an issue with old teachers.
Ok. So there comes a time in a teacher's life when they should retire. And then, even after they retire, for whatever reason, they can't stay away from teaching (or is it the children...?) and decide to be a substitute a day here and there. But if you accept a job to sub long-term, well, you've got problems. All I can say is our poor religion teacher. She had an adorable baby and decided to take the rest of the school year off. Our first sub (whom I hate with a burning passion) was unarguably psycho. And not the good psycho either. But rather, psycho with a deranged mentality that she taught the class "for realz." Turns out, that woman shouldn't be teaching because of health reasons. Oh, niiiiiice. Really nice, administration. And so, second semester rolls around and here we have another ancient retired teacher teaching long-term. COOL. Did we not already try this? Did we not already notice IT FAILED?? Now, don't get me wrong, I love a cute old person, but when you're in charge of 20-30 high school juniors for about five months, shouldn't you be a little younger so you won't keel over mid-lecture? Just food for thought.
school. who needs it?
<3 suz
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